They should wear a cape constantly because with parenthood comes not only great responsibilities but superpowers no one ever knew they had. Just think of all the amazing extra special abilities you have unlocked after becoming a mother or father! Spiderman and Wonder Woman, go home!
1. Super Hearing
Needless to say, the super hearing doesn’t always work when your spouse asks for you to pass the salt at the dinner table or the mailman rings the doorbell, but the superhuman hearing never fails when one of the kids needs you. In fact, the ears of a parent can hear the difference between “a chair falling down” and “a child who is falling down from the bed upstairs” – even before someone cries.
And they can hear if a child is awake and is about to cry in the evening by the way the baby is breathing. Even if the owner of the ears were somewhere else occupied for example with a good series on Netflix or other important stuff. Fascinating!
2. Maximal performance on minimal sleep
Sometimes one can marvel at how much good, solid work one can actually get done with their otherwise sleep deprived being, which has gotten around four hours of sleep distributed in far too small fragments overnight. It is certainly not healthy in the long run, and maybe even a super-skill you have to take care not boasting too much about since you don’t want to encourage others to keep bringing you things to do!
3. The Bowl-reflex
In the less flattering end of the superhero abilities, there is also the reflex of making the “bowl” with your hands as soon as a child in the back seat or in the middle of the night in the double bed makes a vomiting noise.
It’s about the world’s nastiest reflex, but what is going on with the spontaneous sacrifice you’re willing to make over and over again?! Even if you have learned that the “bowl” does not save anything. It is both leaky and does not measure with volume.
4. Empathy, you said?
When you have children, it is a bit like getting glasses on after going with bad vision without knowing it. The outlines of everything become clearer, the colors stronger and the nuances so sharp that it almost burns your eyes.
Just when it comes to your emotions. It brings a tearing heartache to witness or just read about someone else’s misfortune. Especially, but not only, if it involves children. Likewise, other people’s joy can also be felt far below the sternum, and both money and dedication become easier to give when it comes to donating for charity, helping with climate change or fighting nasty diseases. Suddenly it is not only YOUR world but a world we have to pass on to our children and their children.
5. Instinctive protection of the child
Whether you’re tumbling down the stairs with your child on the arm, losing a hot pot near it, or experiencing a dog that suddenly jumps up and bites after your child when you are out, you can always rely on the voluntarily sacrifice you would make for the child not to suffer pain.
You do not even think at all at the moment, but down the stairs, you manage to hold, your child in a position that keeps it half a meter up in the air so that nothing happens to it. And it is only you who feels the hot splashes from the pan as it hits the floor. And you went without blinking between the dog and the stroller. It sometimes hurts physically to become parents, but that protection is so beautiful!
6. Silent like a Ninja
If you have ever experienced an easy-sleeping baby that wakes the second you step on the creaking floorboard, or of a sneeze you are trying to hold back, or when you try to have a little bit of candy from the bag in the drawer while the child is immersed in play, you learn to be quiet at a whole new level.
You get a mental map of where the floor is not squeaking and you send ice-cold glances that can kill when others don’t remember the route. You can also hiccup and sneeze without sound when you need to. You can watch the TV when the sound is almost non-existent, and you can be completely silent and quick when dealing with any kind of candy package.
7. TERMINATOR? No, Thermometer
You might have it too? The ability to feel your children on the forehead and with your built-in mother-or-father-sense you just instinctively know what the temperature is within a fairly narrow margin. “Uhh, I think he has a fever”.
Thermometer: DING! FEVER! If you could just use the same parent-sense to send an alarm up to the top floor with the message to remember the oven mitts before attempting to remove the lasagne from the oven, that would be great…
8. Superhuman reflexes
A sublime and extremely dexterous skill comes to life when a child falls over an edge, a chair tips or a middle finger gets a hold of the tablecloth at grandmother’s birthday, so that the teapot moves dangerously towards the child, and you only see this catastrophe in the making out of the corner of your eye, and you manage to stop the teapot nano-seconds before the accident occurs.
Or you can grab the child by his leg or in the baby’s waistband right above the floor. Thanks, reflexes. No one knows where these superhuman skills have been hiding up until now, but they are there, no matter the lack-of-sleep-zombie-state the parents are in.
9. Call me The Flash
So, the completely insane efficiency that comes after you become parents. Have a mother spend a Saturday without children, and you will see her go from basement to attic with the feather duster, make next week’s dinner plan and get the bathroom painted all at the same time.
Never has this mother been able to accomplish more in less time and with seven other balls in the air than after having children.
10. All-round superhero
A parent can build the most difficult Lego constructions, repair any car or doll that has suffered from a little too rough play, they can sew costumes, always find what has been lost, and be patient in any situation. There is no one in the world that is stronger or more brave in the eyes of your child. Parents even have explanations for everything in the world.
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