70 Corona Virus Jokes that will make you laugh out loud
Who would have thought that 2020 would turn out like this? In these times of self-isolation and quarantine it is so important to take care of our mental health, and what better way to do so, than to LAUGH!
70 Corona Virus Jokes that will make you laugh out loud
I know a great joke about Corona Virus, you probably won’t get it though.
Social distancing rule: If you can smell their fart, move further apart.
This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into the house, told my dog…we laughed a lot.
If I get quarantined for two weeks with my wife and I die. I can assure you it was not the virus that killed me.
The grocery stores in France look like tornadoes hit them. All that’s left is de brie.
Day 5 of social distancing. I had a conversation with a spider today. Seems Nice. He is a web designer.
I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.
So, after this quarantine, will the producers of “My 600-Pound Life” just find me, or do I find them?
Finland just closed its borders. You know what that means. No one will be crossing the finish line.
A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says “I’ll have a Corona please, hold the virus”
What do you tell yourself when you wake up late for work and realize you have a fever? Self, I so late.
With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitizing gel are rubbing their hands together
I went to the chemist today and asked the assistant “what kills the Corona Virus?” She replied to me “Ammonia Cleaner” I said “Oh, I am sorry, I thought you worked here”
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around.
Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.
Where do sick boats go to get healthy? The dock!
Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said: “I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year.” I’m offended.
Why do they call it the novel coronavirus? It’s a long story….
Thinking a mask is going to stop Covid-19 is the same as thinking that your underpants will protect everyone from a fart.
Yeah, I have plans tonight. I’ll probably hit the living room around 8 or 9.
Why didn’t the sick guy get the joke? It flu over his head.
I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from Standard Time to Twilight Zone.
They said that a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket. They lied, everyone else has clothes on.
What types of jokes are allowed during quarantine? Inside jokes!
Since everybody has now started washing their hands, the peanuts at the bar have lost their taste.
What’s the best way to avoid touching your face? A glass of wine in each hand.
People with a cold – “I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible” People with Corona Virus – “I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago”
Before Corona Virus I used to cough to cover a fart, now I fart to cover a cough.
If there’s a baby boom nine months from now, what will happen in 2033? There will be a whole bunch of quaranteens.
I’ll bet a million dollars the same people that stockpiled toilet rolls are the same people who speed up in overtaking lanes.
The people that won’t self-quarantine are the same people that would hide a Zombie Bite – I’m taking notes.
What’s the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet? One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis.
Homeschooling is going well. Two students suspended for fighting and one teacher fired for drinking on the job!
My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately, now when I pee I clean the toilet.
I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers. Times are rough.
You know what they’re saying about 2020. It went viral faster than anyone thought it would.
Day 3 without sports. I found a lady sitting on my couch yesterday. Apparently she is my wife. She seems nice.
What do you call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany? The wurst-kase scenario.
2020 is a unique leap year. It has 29 days in February, 300 days in March, and 10 years in April.
Do you know who buys up all the toilet paper? Assholes.
Nail salons, hair salons, waxing center, and tanning places are closed. It’s about to get ugly out there.
PSA: Every few days, try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
I think it is great that people are finally starting to drink water, wipe their ass, and wash their hands.
Why don’t chefs find coronavirus jokes funny? They’re in bad taste.
Mexico is asking Trump to hurry up and build the wall NOW!
Having trouble staying at home? Shave your eyebrows off.
You know what they say: feed a cold, starve a fever, drink a corona.
Chuck Norris has been exposed to the Coronavirus. The virus is now in quarantine for a month.
To the people who bought 20 bottles of soap leaving none of the shelves for others, you do realize that to stop getting Coronavirus, you need other people washing their hands too.
I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received from the staff in the last 10 years.
What should you do if you don’t understand a coronavirus joke? Be patient.
I need to practice social distancing from … the refrigerator.
How come the liquor stores don’t have empty shelves? Don’t people understand that they will be quarantined with their spouses and kids?
What did the sick parent make their kids for lunch? Mac and sneeze.
Never in my wildest of wild dreams did I ever think I would go up to a bank teller and request money with a mask on.
If coronavirus isn’t about beer, why do I keep seeing cases of it?
25 years from now kids everywhere will be like “I remember the spring of 2020, that’s when I learned how much liquor it takes to be a parent”
Still no toilet paper in the stores. They’re wiped out and you’re shit out of luck.
I used to spin the toilet paper like I was on “Wheel of Fortune.” Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.
To those who are complaining about the quarantine period and curfews, just remember that your grandparents were called to war, you are being called to sit on the couch and watch Netflix. You can do this.
So many coronavirus jokes out there, it’s a pundemic.
I don’t know why my fishing buddy is worried about Coronavirus, he never catches anything.
*Breaking News!* – Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls, and 50L of hand sanitizer which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled “just in case”. The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
Definition of Irony – When the Year Of The Rat starts with a plague.
Allergy season is about to turn into the new Salem Witch Trials
Don’t worry, the Corona Virus won’t last long… It was made in China.
Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.
Still haven’t decided where to go for Easter … The Living Room or The Bedroom.
If you had asked me what the hardest part of battling a global pandemic would be I would have never guessed, “teaching elementary school math.”
During self-isolation… Dogs: “Oh My God, you’re here all day and this is the best as I can love you, see you, be with you and follow you! I am so excited because you are the greatest and I love you being here so much! Cats: “What the hell are you still doing here?”