The 20 best jokes about writers/authors
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The 20 best jokes about writers/authors

Writing is hard work, and everyone loves to laugh once in a while. So I have found the 20 best jokes about writers/authors.

I hope you enjoy them!

The 20 best jokes about writers/authors

1) Q: What’s the difference between publishers and terrorists?

A: You can negotiate with terrorists.  

2) How many writers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


One to screw it in,

One to sharpen all the pencils in the house,

One to make more coffee,

One to call a friend to chat,

And one to complain that there’s never time to do any writing.

Wait, that’s only five — that’s why they need editors.

3) Did you hear about the writer who jumped out the window on the 15th floor? He could have gone to the 16th, but that’s another story.

4) You know you are a writer when the people you’d most like to invite to dinner is the characters from your book

5) Irony is when someone writes: Your an idiot!

6) If Moses were alive today he’d come down from the mountain with the Ten Commandments and spend the next five years trying to get them published.

7) There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

8) You know you’re a writer when you acknowledge the need for human contact because you have to do research

9) A writer walks into a bar. The bartenders says, “Have you written 1000 words today? You told me to not sell you a drink until you hit your word count goal for the day.”

A writer walks out of a bar.

10) Did you hear the one about the pregnant woman who went into labor and began to yell, “Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”? She was having contractions.

11) The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

12)A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.
“It’s a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway,” he said.

“Actually,” said his guide, “it’s named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation.”
The visitor was astonished. “Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?”

“Yes, indeed,” said his guide. “He wrote a check.”

13) Q: Where would a writer never want to live?

A: A writer’s block.

14) The road to writers` hell is paved with impeccability demands and details.

15) How many science fiction writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two, but it’s actually the same person doing it.

He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one’s shoulder so that they were able to reach it.

Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, light bulb, changer and all was blown out of existence.

16) How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?


One to screw the bulb almost all the way in,

and one to give a surprising twist at the end.

17) Q: Why did the writer cross the road?

She was supposed to be revising an essay, so she crossed the road to run some errands, and go for a quick walk, and maybe buy a new toaster.

18) A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.

She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.

“Oh my,” said the writer. “Let me see heaven now.”

A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes.

“Wait a minute,” said the writer. “This is just as bad as hell!”

“Oh no, it’s not,” replied an unseen voice. “Here, your work gets published.

19) How many writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but he will change it, change it again, put the first lightbulb back, smash the lightbulb, then change it again.

The critics will still hate it.

20) Q: What do you get when you cross a writer with a deadline?

A: A really clean house.

That’s it! I hope you enjoyed my take on the 20 best jokes about writers/authors.

Comment below if you know any other good jokes about writers/authors, it would be much appreciated!  
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1 Comment

  • Reply
    June 4, 2019 at 2:08 pm

    Awesome jokes! My favorite was the one about the Microsoft writer.

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